There’s this buzzword in coaching called authenticity. Lately the word feels overused, a bit fatigued. But there’s a reason that it resonates. We are craving it.
In a society beckoning us to blend, adopt the latest trend, or assimilate what everyone else is doing, we are losing our individuality, and ourselves. It seems we are on a never-ending race to do more, or to have more. Why?
Whether we realized it or not, each of us has adopted a certain “life model”. And since you happen to be reading this blog from a company dedicated to coaching and empowerment, the life model we want you to consider promotes self-awareness and accountability.
Read closely grasshopper, here’s how it goes:
Many of us live our lives in the first life model of DO – HAVE – BE. Those in this model live in a world where if I DO x, I will HAVE y, and then I’ll BE z. If I do what my customer wants, if I work harder, if I can complete my to-do list, then I will have the success I want, I will have trust from my customers, or I have that promotion. And then I will be happy, be satisfied, be at peace.
Others live the HAVE – DO – BE model: if I HAVE x, I can DO y, and then I’ll BE z. Those in this world live like this: Once I have career success, have the promotion, have more time, have more letters behind my name, or have more money, then I can do the work I really want to, I can meet my customer’s needs, or I can take that vacation. And then I will be happy, be satisfied, be empowered, or live a balanced life.
Society has taught us that we must do or have before we can be. But this way of thinking always fails. You cannot DO happiness, you must BE happy. There’s a difference.
Let’s look at this from another angle. You cannot operate from the mindset of a chaotic or inconsistent manager while trying to inspire trust and excellence from your team — or act from the mindset of a controlling, stressed-out parent and be believed and respected by your children. This is just a recipe for repeated frustration.
Authenticity is not something you DO. It’s something you ARE. In order to BE authentic, you need to start moving toward this 3rd life model: BE–DO–HAVE
This life model starts with who you are – how you show up. If I AM x, I then DO y based on who I AM, and thus HAVE what I desire. If I am a trustworthy, I lead a balanced life, I am a committed manager, then I take action or do what is aligned with this, and ultimately have the end result I seek. If I am committed, I then take actions to understand customer needs, to build relationships, to listen to employees. And I enjoy having a rich relationship or have the desired success as a result.
There’s a reason we are called Human Beings, not Human Doings or Human Havings. The point here is to start with who you are – not just what you do or what you have. This “being” is your presence, how you show up. This is how people will most remember you. This is your legacy.
When you are coming from a life model of BE-DO-HAVE, you will make different choices, and you will have different results. You see more possibility. You are living from your truth.
Start by being fearlessly authentic.